Throughout history, family dysfunction, child abuse and child neglect have been norms in the Jamaican household. Moreso, for low and middle-class families. I have come to the conclusion that most Jamaican parents know nothing about parenting. And, have constructed parenting styles based on generations of dysfunction and abuse. Whatever our grandparents did our parents did. Unfortunately, even those who realised the traumatic effects and made an effort to do better still had residue from their upbringing influencing their parenting style.
We have to understand that colonization has a strong place in the foundation of the Jamaican society. British systems and learned behaviours from slavery encompass the Jamaican society. The Family structure contends with lack of education, unemployment, and poverty. And, unequipped parents are reproducing without the proper structure to raise children.
Do you display dysfunction?
Most Jamaicans have an ounce of dysfunction. Many just aren’t self-aware enough to identify and accept it. We tend to see rebellion or outrageous unethical behaviours as the only form of dysfunction. Your inability to maintain relationships and your lack of empathy are also forms of dysfunction. Men who can’t keep one woman or women who only see men as a payout are also forms of dysfunction and a result of trauma. Women who will sell their souls for wealth and would never date a man who makes less money than they are traumatic responses.
The Jamaican Response to Trauma and Rebellion
Ladaisha Francis aka Mackerel Official shared her story on On Stage with Winford Williams and the Jamaica Observer recently and the true nature of Jamaicans surfaced. While many empathized with her there were others who blamed her for her experience. The Jamaicans who gaslighted Ladaisha revealed the depths of acceptance they have given to these situations. This is the norm for a majority of Jamaicans so they can’t see the issue for what it is.
My own experience with Rebellion
From the outside looking in, my family seemed like the perfect one. I had both parents in the home, siblings, and access to education. The physical structure was there but the dysfunction was still present. My emotional needs were not met, I have no emotional relationship with my father and my mother was absent at a critical time in my life. In my teenage years when I needed emotional support and direction, I was on my own. My parents tried but they couldn’t employ the parenting style necessary to connect with me.
You can read more on the details of my experiences in my Homosexuality to Holiness series or any of my Transparency Series posts. To feel a sense of love and belonging, I sought out relationships, acted out as a cry for help and isolated myself. Even then, no one could connect the dots to see that something was wrong. Instead, they labelled me as a “bad” child.
My Note to Parents, Victims & Jamaicans in General
Parents, dealing with the results of traumatic childhood experiences and breakdowns in the home is not a blame game. Each party has to be mature enough to accept where they fell short on their responsibility. The first step to resolve is acceptance and education. You have to know where you went wrong in order to accept it. Understand that the tough love you received as a child is a result of a lineage of dysfunction.
For the child in these situations, seek your healing. Don’t be ashamed to get counselling to help you connect how your experience is affecting your current behaviours. Aim to be a whole parent for your children if you desire to be a parent. Set up a healthy family structure for that child to grow. Educate yourself on the different parenting styles, personality types, love languages and basic tools of nurturing to understand the foundation of a child’s needs.
To the Jamaicans who were privileged to not go through any rough times in a family context, be grateful but show some compassion. Read a study or two and understand that there are dimensions to the lives of people and the actions they display. Do your own self-analysis to pinpoint if there is any trace of dysfunction in your own life. And, if you are a parent or desire to parent, aim to parent by the books and from a place of love and understanding. Tradition may have taught you to survive but not necessarily how to thrive.
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Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
I love this. So necessary at this time… Many of us don’t even understand the depths of the dysfunction running through our families. We all need to become very self-aware and take the steps to healing.
I love this article, dysfunction is a very serious case and really do come in different forms. I pray that others will read this and analysis themselves to see where the dysfunctions lies and seek help. God bless.
I see dysfunction in the Jamaican diaspora as a major issue and barrier to our collective growth and success!
As a member of the Jamaican Diaspora, I can attest to this. I have experienced much dysfunction in my family dynamics since I was small. I was elated to come across this article because this is an issue that needs to be brought up. Hopefully, something can be done about it.