We spoke about forgiving others and forgiving ourselves, so let’s now talk about forgiveness from a different angle. Can you forgive someone who has not directly hurt you? Some people are hesitant to forgive those who hurt family members or close friends.
Dr Govier, the author of Forgiveness and Revenge, talks about primary, secondary, and tertiary forgiveness. Primary forgiveness is a commonly understood approach: You have been directly hurt by a person and so it is your prerogative to forgive or not. Secondary forgiveness occurs when you are hurt because of a person’s actions toward a loved one. For example, you are truly offended and hurt when someone bullies your child in school. It is secondary in the sense that you were not directly bullied. Yet, the fact that you are resentful and legitimately so because of the actions toward your child, you then can go ahead and forgive the one who bullies.
Tertiary forgiveness occurs when an even more distant person engages in unjust actions. Suppose you’re very upset with a political decision that goes against your philosophies of life. The politicians don’t even know you and likely you never have met. Even so, you’re offended by the politicians’ actions, this is a legitimate forum for you to begin the forgiveness process if you so choose. Why? It is because there is an injustice, directly affecting you, even though those actions by the politicians are indirect and not personal actions towards you.
All that to say, you don’t have to experience hurt directly for unforgiveness to be in your heart. With all that’s happening in the world, how do these things make you feel? Your close friend may be having relational problems, and you have told her countless times to walk away because she deserves better. Seeing her stay in this relationship causes you to feel hurt and offended. Women and children are being abused on a daily basis. That hurts you to the core. Racism seems to have taken over… so much is happening in the world! How do these things make you feel?
Forgiveness can be a way of freeing yourself from the indirect actions of others which happened recently or in the past. If those indirect actions are having an influence on your happiness presently, then maybe there’s a need for you to release those who have indirectly hurt you. What’s the point in all of this though?
- Our main reason for pardoning others is because God told us that if we forgive others, He will forgive, and heal us. Matthew 6:14-15
- A heart that’s free from all negativity is free to hear God, discern what’s good from bad, and carry out the will of God in the best way possible. So guard your heart! Proverbs 4:23
What shall you do today? A heart check! How’s your heart? Are you harbouring unforgiveness?
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Angelisa is a Jesus enthusiast, Worship leader & Christian youth leader. She considers herself to be the old-fashioned type of girl who loves spicy food and belly bottom laughter. Among her passions are singing, working with children, and encouraging others.