Today, as I sat and listened to the “Feelings” introduction of Chandler Moore’s album, I began to wonder if it was possible to feel both terrific and terrified simultaneously. Both words stemming from the root word “terror” have seemingly catapulted into vastly different human experiences. Yet for me, they brought a similar sense of dread, or perhaps wild expectations that somehow served my emotions in very different ways.
On the one hand, today brought with it a momentary reflection on answered prayers I was unable to previously see as such. As I sat down to ponder two acceptances to delegations for aspiring young female political representatives, I recalled the prayers which echoed my cries to God for some sense of purpose or a mere inclination of what He was doing with my life. I remembered how the George Floyd, D’Andre Campbell and Regis Korchinski-Paquet events shook me to my core, and how my lips burned with the sting of holding back for the sake of political correctness.
I thought of how I had no clue what I was doing, and whether or not someone would uncover my fraud.
Suddenly, being accepted to these delegations paled in comparison to the thought of my “imposter” being discovered. I imagined this must be how Esther felt. Stripped of her name, her identity and womanhood at the whim of a man who held power over her life at the tip of his sceptre. Thankful to be chosen, but painfully aware of what her newfound “celebrity” was coupled with—speaking up for the poor and marginalized in a country that was not her own. A life she was called to by some predestination, but not one she could have imagined for herself.
But, while she busied herself seeking the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness, it was not just “Queen” that was added on to her. Make no mistake, her crown was both terrific and terrifying, and its weight rested on a neck shouldering the blows of uncertainty, fear, doubt and an imposter syndrome.
So, I urge you, while you pray for your future, to climb your mountain with your palms wide open. Leave room for God’s hand to hold yours with a firm grip. Lose yourself in finding Him, and purpose will no longer be elusive. And while your anxious heart wrestles without abandon, lean into God’s rest—let your terror be ignited in the flames of His divine terrific.
Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?