Hi, it’s me again. Did you think that this series ended? It couldn’t end without me talking about the eye-opening aspect of this journey that still affects me today. And that’s existing among Jamaican church members with a not so welcoming homosexual past.
Explore the previous parts of this series before you lock into this long read:
- Homosexuality to Holiness Part I – Journey to Homosexuality
- H to H Part II – Two Years Gay
- Homosexuality to Holiness Part III – Transition to Christianity
- H to H Part IV – Misconceptions about God’s Love
This post is a difficult one for me to write but I owe it to myself and to everyone who is afraid to speak out about similar experiences. I write this article not only for me but for those who have overcome their struggles with their sexuality and for those who are currently struggling but have no safe place to speak out in church.
Encountering Hate in the Church
Whew, chile! On my first Sunday in church, I encountered hate from a woman who knew me before salvation. This lady would have had encounters with me and my girlfriend before. She knew of my past and felt strongly about it. However, she saw us in the church not knowing what had taken place since the last time she saw me with my girlfriend. And, here we are at the end of our first Sunday service. We encountered a “what are you doing here” death glare with mannerisms to match.
She was either:
1. disgusted by my presence
2. disappointed that her daughter hadn’t made the transition or
3. a combination of both.
Either way, I felt the disgust from where I stood but I pressed on. I wanted to have a conversation with her but she migrated soon after. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only hate I encountered.
Can Two People Move from Lovers to Friends?
14 Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. 15 He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.
2 Corinthians 5:14-19
16 So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
18 And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.
This is the aspect of my transformation that boggles so many. Lovers, now friends; what a joke right? I can only pinpoint two reasons for this mindset: dysfunction, lack of faith in the power of Christ and changed behaviour. Personally, I don’t know what else to say but I got saved, delivered, and never looked back. I can remember reflecting on certain aspects/actions in the lifestyle and I was nauseous to the point of gagging. Believe me when I say I cannot identify with who I was before Christ.
Rumours dem Spreading
Sadly, there are Christians who don’t believe in God’s transformative power. At least, not enough to think that God can heal hearts, minds, and purify relationships. He stops at monetary blessings, status and spouses. And, this is what hurts me the most; to know that I had given up everything to follow Christ and walk uprightly in this calling. To think that I would be met with love and open arms by the members of the church. My experiences as a new convert were not what I had expected. Conversations happened around me with malicious lies that intended to drive me away from purpose. Persons went as far as investigating the past to build cases for their Holy Round Tables and Sanctified Private Discussions.
Yet Still, I Rise…
If I were ever weak spiritually, emotionally or mentally, malicious words would have sent me to an early grave. The bible speaks about gossipers and tale-bearers. Proverbs speak extensively about wisdom and how to control the tongue. To the persons who have spoken evil against me, you have brought me unnecessary pain but I am grateful for you in this process. I implore everyone reading this to aim to have whole conversations and not be a carrier of gossip. Have conversations to seek the truth. And above all things, pray.
Commission to Love
Dear Church members, the LGBTQ community needs your love too. We oftentimes forget that love covers a multitude of sin. (1 Peter 4:8). You have hated many away from Christ and you almost drove me away too. There are members in your congregation who struggle with same-sex attraction and are afraid to speak out because there is no love among you. It is easier to pretend to be whole than to be honestly flawed. So many men and women have reached out to me baring their truths. If you can extend warmth to murderers, thieves, liars, adulterers and fornicators, you can love a newly converted homosexual man/woman and believe their truth.
My Heart
I cannot tell you how many times I had given up in my mind, thrown in the towel and vowed never to return. To the person facing similar struggles, hold on. Remember what God has told you. Hold on to your promise and remember: we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12. Dr Thema said in a recent tweet, “Toxic environments can teach you to shade your shine for self-preservation. I hope you get your glow back.” Keep shining.
PS. If you can believe in Jackie Hill Perry’s conversion, you can believe in your own church member’s salvation.
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Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?