Overcomers’ Testimony – Tricia’s Story

My REAL Issue

Growing up my reality was always one of turmoil and distress. From a young age, I was constantly teased and bullied about my weight, appearance and complexion. This continued over the years and happened everywhere I went. The devil made a direct attack on my self-esteem and cursed it from a very young age. I grew with this bitter seed and saw myself as unworthy. The harsh words people would say stuck to me and was what I identified with; Ugly, Black and Fat. 

I can remember one of many occasions in my early teens, I had a nervous breakdown (panic attack) at home. I shared with my sister and cousin that everywhere I went I was bullied and that I felt I was having a nervous breakdown. My sister and cousin began to laugh hysterically. Situations at home were either very mundane or extremely chaotic. Amidst the inner turmoil and frustration caused by outward forces, I not only began to increase in self-hate but I also began from a very early age to explore my sexuality. 

I lost my virginity at the age of 9 years. Sadly, way before then and well into my adult years I fed and watered perversion. The thing that started as a pet turned into a monster that sought to destroy my purpose. I continued to feed lust and medicate with illegitimate sources of pleasure. By the age of 16 years, I had already been exposed to pornography, began to indulge in masturbation and had gained several lovers.

Finding my Way to Christ

My conversion began in 2009 when I began to think about God and the purpose of my life. These thoughts would weigh heavily on my mind daily and I can vaguely remember a lady walking up to me in crossroads and giving me a bible. Now, I had always believed in God and knew there was a purpose in me and on my life. After having several near-death experiences – from a suicide attempt to almost drowning in a river to being hit by a JUTC bus when I was 8 years old. Deep down, I knew I had a purpose which is why I held on to hope. Even the dreams I had confirmed that knowledge. I had a particular dream when I was fourteen years old where I was at the forefront of an army with a scarlet banner in my hand. I knew this was an indication of how God saw me in His army here on earth. I can boldly say now that I am a part of a chosen generation with a divine assignment on my life.

One would think that with this new spiritual insight I would run to the altar and make a complete turnaround. I knew I had to take this unction seriously and that it wasn’t just mere coincidence. God had a purpose for me so one Sunday morning I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life. Unfortunately, it was only a religious show put on to appease these new thoughts and desires stirring in my soul. I committed to crying at the altar but that was the only true commitment I made. Anyone with sound wisdom and knowledge could see that this was a clear result of the years of struggle and double-mindedness and only more would come. 

The Battle for my Soul

In January of 2010, I met a young man who at the time I deemed the love of my life. It was five months of a deviant, sacred kind of love. I gave all of myself to this young man because I experienced eros for the first time and latched on to it. I did not know about soul ties at the time but I fell headfirst into what I would now describe as a dungeon-like pit. On May 02, 2010 I finally got baptized and ended the relationship that morning. When I got baptized I felt a new, fresh life radiating from inside. I continued to progress spiritually until June/July when I returned to my lover. The relationship continued on and off despite constant conviction from the Holy Spirit. I was stubborn and stuck on the doubt that I could let him go. 

What would be surprising to many is that he was one of the many lovers I had at the time. I would seek out these persons to fill a void that only grew deeper with each encounter.  And I would fill myself with lies on top of lies that I would tell myself. Soon, I became a bisexual and nymphomaniac while being a “mother in zion” and “prayer warrior”. Both titles that were influenced by the anointing that was on life. It was obvious to others but meant nothing to me. I learned how to do both well, just so I would be accepted. There were many “sick and tired” seasons as there were “ill just do it one last time seasons”. A real example of light and darkness battling for the soul. I continuously lead myself down a path that had become too familiar.  I would go on fastings, attend Christian events and get “delivered” only to wind up in the same mess. 

Over the years I had grown a lot spiritually, I understood and had the grace to flow in areas persons who fasted habitually did not attain. My giftings, though present, were lacking the precision that only purity, holiness and wholesomeness offered. My character sunk, my personality did not speak much for itself. And as a 25-year-old woman, I saw myself as a weak, spineless, worthless, bitter, resentful, bleeding soul. 

In October of 2018, God told me that He would expose my secret life unless I surrendered. Upon humbling myself, He began to tell me all that would happen in time to come. From then on my life slowly then swiftly began to change for the better. In the summer of 2019, I regressed drastically and decided that I would finally backslide and turn away completely from all I had known to be God’s plan/will. Yet, a glimmer of hope remained. I attended the National Prophetic Summit in August 2019 with that last bit of hope. I received restoration and have been living a completely renewed life; delivered and set free. I am challenged each day to stay there and continue to grow for only my best is to come. 

Tricia-Ann Gordon

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