Marriage
Marriage is probably the most discussed topic among Christian men and women. Everyone wants to find their one true companion. I realize, however, that many discuss the point of finding but none really talk about the journey to the altar. Especially the dating phase. There are many mixed views and doctrines on dating as Christians. Some churches believe that couples should not publicly announce a relationship before engagement or marriage. While other churches believe that nothing is wrong with having a boyfriend or girlfriend as long as both respect the Christian principles that govern relationships.
Dating to Marry
So, you have met this guy or girl that you really like. You have been friends for quite some time but your heart, mind and spirit all tell you that there is more to this person. Both of you express interest in each other, pray about the next steps, and the next thing you know is that you both have agreed to see if this path will truly lead to the altar. Of course, you won’t get married in two months or two weeks. You both know that you are going to get married so you spend each day getting to know each other more. Friendship is a foolproof foundation to build a marriage on. Time is spent nurturing this friendship.
Comfort is the order of the day when you are in each other’s presence. Hands are held, the hugs get longer, kisses on the cheek transformed into locked longing lips. Before you know it, sexual urges have arrived. Oh, you’re way more than just friends now. But how do you ensure that this stage remains as friendship while staying true to God and waiting for the next phase – marriage? Simple gestures are now something to be mindful of. The way you look at him or she sends a totally different message now. What do you do?
What NOT to do When Dating to Marry
Many couples in the dating phase often overlook simple things that can put purity at risk. One of my mentors once told me that the body communicates way more than the mouth does. The reality is that when dating to marry, one has to be extremely careful to ensure that purity isn’t compromised. Here are my top 5:
Ladies, watch what you wear
It is natural to want to dress up and look good for him. But, remember that modesty is everything! Yes, something may seem modest to you but sends a plethora of subliminal messages to your date. Be mindful of these areas: the breasts, the buttocks, the hips, the thighs, the back, the neckline, and the stomach. Are your clothes hugging too tight? What is being squeezed or revealed? When you sit, ensure that everything is in place and nothing is protruding. The man is making note of every inch of your body even just to commend you on a nice outfit. Don’t ruin the moment by inviting lust to the party.
How Long have you been Holding Hands?
Having the understanding that sex is for marriage increases the tension even more between you two. Simple gestures like a kiss on the cheek, slight touches, holding hands, and lengthened gazes can be so sensual. Pay attention to your body, the atmosphere and the mood. A kiss on the cheek at a family fun day has a different effect than a kiss on the cheek on the pier gazing at the reflection of the moon on the water. The same goes for hand-holding, touches and gazes. You just won’t know what the enemy will try to sneak in at those moments.
Why are you alone in a house at night?
Young adults, you have to be careful. It is wise to set a curfew in place for house visits. Also, it takes a great level of maturity to get away with this. Does your boo know how they are getting home? What is happening at your house so late? If you are like me, you may get clingy when it is close to bedtime. You are looking for some extra comfort to fall asleep. ISSA TRAP! It is time to go.
Vacation together WHAT?
I get this question a lot: would you go on vacation with your boyfriend? My response is always OH HELL NO! As much as I would love a bae-cation, I KNOW that would just not make sense. Who wants to go on vacation together and sleep in different rooms? Not me. Just wait for the honeymoon. You won’t die.
Quit Daydreaming
I know you can’t wait to be his wife. And I know you can’t wait to be boo’d up. But, daydreaming about it doesn’t help. The mind is so much more powerful than you think it is. Please try to stay present. These thoughts can lead to premature action leading you to marry before your dating process has been completed. Have you ever tried to cut a cake when it is hot? It doesn’t quite give the same smooth cut when it is perfectly baked and cooled. Wait. Be present. Enjoy each season. The day will come when you will live happily wedded after.
– Be Blessed –
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Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
THIS!!! A lot of people are trying too hard to get into a relationship and get married which end up being the wrong reasons. People no longer want to “get to know their other half” they are looking at marriage for lust or to leave their parents house to be with the person the love and they tend to not last long. I’ve had those relationships where I’m willing to know the person and they see it as just lust and not wanting to marry or as Jamaican men say “tie them down” and now being able to get closer to how because of this amazing person in my life is just God showing me that I deserve it. Thank you for this amazing article, a great read, an eye opener and I definitely appreciate it.
You’re welcome Anita! Thanks for reading!
This was a really good read. I love how real and to the point you are. Maaan, more young people need to read this cause nuff of us out here have no clue what we doing but we stay wanting to be boo’d up. Keep up the awesome writing Amoy!!
Thank you PK!!