It took me a while to figure out just how to say “Happy Father’s Day” and mean it. For years I hated my father. That sounds harsh but it was my reality. And, no, he wasn’t an absent father or a “deadbeat dad”. He was right there with me in the home raising me the best way he knew how. For many years I felt he was present but emotionally unavailable but that’s for another blog post. I referred to him as my financial provider at one point in my life in the coldest way possible.
Context
Many of you have heard me share my testimony in person or read it briefly somewhere here. But, if you haven’t, you can visit my youtube channel. I will give you time to catch up. waits patiently You can see that I had some deep-seated hurts where the man was concerned. Looking back now I can say that it was hurt and not hate. I was wounded and those emotions manifested as hate and disdain for a man who – despite his flaws – sacrificed his entire life for his family.
Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness is like slow poison and for a while, I was killing myself, holding on to hurt and bitterness. I did everything in my power to avoid my Father. I wouldn’t speak to him unless I desperately needed something and found no other way out. In my mind, he didn’t deserve my love and compassion for what he did to my mother and by extension my family. I had lost all respect for him and those negative emotions lingered in my spirit for YEARS. I was dying a slow death.
The Unforgiving Christian
I gave my life to God in March of 2014 and it took me almost three years to truly forgive my father. Even as a Christian I was harbouring unforgiveness. I thought I had forgiven my father by simply forgetting or letting go of the emotions I felt for so long.
Reality Check: sweeping dust under the rug doesn’t clean up the mess.
But there was residue. The dust was slowly creeping out. Simple words from him would bring me to tears and I could not understand why. Through my journaling, I realized that there was a wound that needed healing and only forgiveness could do it. I struggled with that because as time went on nothing was changing. “Why does he deserve forgiveness?” I often thought. “He wasn’t doing anything to deserve it.” And I held on relentlessly even though I did nothing to deserve Christ’s forgiveness for my life of shameful sin.
Forgiveness for my Father
I sat hurt in church one night after my father had said something (quite innocently on his end) that cut like a knife. I knew it was time to forgive him and the word preached that night confirmed it. But I didn’t want to. Let’s just say that God dealt with me that night and I stayed up writing a letter to my father apologizing for all the wrong I had done to him and stating all the ways he had hurt me. He read that letter and it was as though something broke over our relationship. We have been rebuilding and bonding ever since. This Father’s Day, for the first time in a long time, I wished him a happy Father’s Day and presented him with his favourite cologne.
Forgiveness for your Father
I know that many of you weren’t raised with your father. And many others have never seen or heard from their fathers. A common case that is overlooked is the “present but absent father”. This father is in the home but usually only seen as a source of money.
Whatever type of father-offspring relationship that you are in; if there is resentment of any kind it is important to forgive. Start with writing a letter even if you never get to deliver it. Free yourself.
Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
Wow Sis, this is deep and powerful. Writing is definitely your gift, continue to excel, so proud.
Thank you!