There is a sudden outpouring on social media relating to the topic: “Church Hurt”. Posts vary from jokes to serious emotional heart cries. The trending topic emerged after International Gospel Music Minister – Le’Andria Johnson posted two Facebook Live videos on her personal Facebook page colourfully expressing how the church has caused her to hurt.
Church Hurt
Church hurt is the painful, offensive, sometimes cruel mistreatment that often occurs between church members. No one is free from experiencing church hurt or free from inflicting wounds that cause hurt in the church. Intentionally or unintentionally, Pastors do it, councilmen do it, ushers do it and choir members do it.
How I Feel about Church Hurt
I think that I am a realist and the reality is that we are all humans born in sin and shapen in iniquity (Psalm 51:5). For this fact alone, the church hurt is real, common and likely to happen. The “perfect” Christians will make mistakes. The onus is on you as a Christian to be mindful of how you respond to hurtful situations in the church.
I made this post some time ago on my Facebook Page that sums up my experience with church hurt.
Harsh Truths About Church Hurt
I know church hurt all too well and many persons don’t like to hear harsh truths about the topic. As humans, it is natural to want to be recompensed when wronged and to see people pay for what they have done to you or to at least see some change in behaviour.
Aspects of church hurt you probably never considered
1. The Hurt is on You
This revelation hit me like a tonne of bricks one day. You look at an offence externally when you blame the person for hurting you. You must assess the root of your hurt and start addressing the issue there. What is it about what was said or done that hurts so much? The reality is you walk around with years of baggage. Wounds from ten years ago will resurface ten years later when someone in the church acts in a manner that is similar to the reason for your wound. You are not in total control of your situations but you can control how you react in situations. Choose growth over the hurt.
2. Christians expect too much from other Christians
Christians expect too much from Christians. Simply put. You must remember that you are all humans. The world already expects too much from you. When humans from different walks of life come together to occupy the same space there will be conflict. Why do you believe that it will be different at church? Being Christian does not make you perfect but one thing you should aim to perfect is how to love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
If Christians hide this word in their heart the responses to church hurt will be more Christ filled than negative.
3. The person who hurt you is sorry but doesn’t know how to tell you because you are angry
Boy, when the saints are angry they do get angry. While you are lashing out about the apology you deserve, you won’t be able to see who is sorry. Anger knocks out all your senses and replaces everything with rage. Oftentimes the magnitude of the issue is not as great as you make it out to be but what needed a simple fix is now blown out of proportion all because you are enraged.
4. You can speak up… respectfully
That is right. Don’t be silenced but don’t be disrespectful. 1 Thessalonians 5:12-22
12 Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord’s work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance.13 Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.14 Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.15 See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.16 Always be joyful.17 Never stop praying.18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.19 Do not stifle the Holy Spirit.20 Do not scoff at prophecies,21 but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good.22 Stay away from every kind of evil.
Being hurt gives you no right to disrespect your leaders or degrade your church. Apply truth number 4. Speak up but be respectful. I strongly agree with speaking up about everything that is wrong in the church. However, how you speak affects those who are not in the church. Hell is real and it is still the duty of the church to populate heaven. If you continue to mar the image of the church by publicly disrespecting the church and its leaders then how are you going to minister to a sinner whose method of handling conflict is similar to what you are now displaying?
5. Church hurt doesn’t give you a free pass to sin
I was once one of the “church is full of hypocrites” persons then I realized that we praise God and not people. It would have been easy for me to walk away from my place in the kingdom and live with the bitterness of church hurt. But, I understood the call of God on my life and chose to focus on Him instead. Yes, it was a challenge for me to go to church and watch the hypocrites serve God as though they are perfect. I went anyway and allowed GOD to mend my broken heart. I learned to accept the recompense that I never received. I held my head high and worshipped freely because nothing is worse than a bound Christian.
In Closing
It takes real grit to be a Christian. You cannot throw a tantrum whenever the journey bites hard and you receive an unexpected blow from the persons who should be praying for you. Pray for them instead. Instead of searching for the support, support and let your actions minister to someone and spark a change. Be the change you want to see in the community by being the one match that started the fire. Respond to church hurt by showing love. Remember that though we aim to be perfect like Christ we are not and will never be so we aim to show perfect love.
– Be blessed –
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Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
This truly sums up my entire heart on the matter. Clarity via the word of God is key to dealing with any emotional matter christians face. It is certainly not easy, but forgiveness is a path we MUST trod. To be completely transparent, I am currently privately dealing with a type of church hurt and with the full help of God I will be healed and I will forgive. However, forgiveness is a process, and we must go through it honestly and miss no step.
On another note as you mentioned in this article, we must bear in mind at all times that christians are human beings and ALL human beings are liable to make mistakes at some point. Some of us are slow learners. It may take days, weeks, months and even years for some of us to understand the depth of the magnitude of some of our actions and decisions. May we remain steadfast in prayer and try to the best of our abilities to live in love.
Blessings
Rhoda Isabella
I said the same to a friend. We have to be careful how we come about against the church. There are respectful ways to speak your truth. Coming out against something your a part in a derogatory manner begs the question ‘what next?’ Do you continuing ministering as is and what exactly are saying to the unsaved?! I knew she would apologize as she did but I saw her hurt. Social media has allowed us this sense of ‘comfort’ where we feel we can just vent. It does more harm than good. Thank God for grace!