For a while now I have been reflecting on love; the concept of love, what individuals understand to be love, and the reality of love. As I journey through my own bouts of discovery as it relates to love, I can’t help but imagine how complex the realization of love must be. Especially when it doesn’t correlate to what the media and fairy tales have led us to believe.
“How do I know if I am in love?”
I often hear persons struggle with the question: “How do I know if I am in love?”. And more often than not, the responses they receive are all based on what others feel and what they don’t feel. But, is love a feeling? I would argue that it is not but that’s based on my own experiences and discovery of what love is. Of course, we feel good when we think we’ve found love. When two souls connect there’s an electrifying intensity that one cannot explain. We become excited and want to share that with the world.
As the relationship progresses, those emotions will either intensify or die out. The route it takes is determined by how we process and nurture that initial intensity. And how we process and nurture that initial intensity determines whether we end up with love or infatuation. Contrary to popular belief, love doesn’t just happen. Love takes commitment and intentional action to develop and survive in any relationship.
I am not a fan of butterflies
No, not the cute colourful ones that flutter around in the air, but the uncomfortable knots that flutter around your stomach. On their wings are nerves, uncertainty, a little insecurity, and a whole bunch of fear. By now you will realize that I’m not much of a fan of butterflies. I describe butterflies as surface and fleeting and associate them with infatuation and lust. There is nothing long-term, nothing holy, and nothing substantial can come from any relationship built on the foundation of that feeling. I believe that that emotion clouds judgement and hides the truth. I had butterflies. After five years of holding on to the emotional, fairytale ideal of love, I was left battling depression and everything that came with it.
My recommendation
I believe that love is all action all the time. It is a conscious decision to make a commitment to love each other according to his/her own needs. We all express and receive love in different ways. There is no set structure for how one processes love. We know what it should be but no two pictures will be painted the same or look the same.
LEARN how to love each other according to our specific needs. We all need to be loved differently. Therefore, what I do in love or how I react to love will never match anyone else’s structure of love. I believe that I am now in the process of learning how to love my partner. I’ve had to dismiss everything I thought I knew and allow God to teach me how to love him. There are butterflies and the joys one should feel while experiencing love, but our relationship is not built on those emotions. I consider them to be the icing on the cake. There is trust, there is patience, there are selflessness and genuine care and concern. Support and empowerment are also there. But, above all, there is God and holiness.
Don’t rely on a feeling. Check the facts.
Are you in Love?
Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
Good stuff Amoy~
Thank you Stephanie 🙂