I am observing the narrative about dating and relationships. It appears that many women think that they can meet a man today, not meet any of his Godly expectations, become husband and wife tomorrow and everything will be peachy. I recently noticed a video being circulated by Jamaican Radio Announcer Miss Kitty. In the video she expresses the differences between husband treatment and boyfriend treatment. For example, she won’t cook and clean for her boyfriend but she will for her husband. Regardless of the context, that’s what stood out to many.
Christian women agree…
Of course, men and women alike have commented on kitty’s view on relationships. The general idea being presented is how can a man know you’re worthy to be a wife if he has to wait until you’re a wife to find out. Isn’t that an unfair deal? What is surprising to me is that many Christian women are agreeing with Miss Hylton (Kitty).
I believe that Miss Kitty’s idea of a relationship should be far different from that of Christian women. I don’t know her personally but based on observation and the way she speaks, women like Miss Kitty aren’t necessarily dating to marry the way a Christian woman should. She’ll find a guy and ‘gwaan work wid him’ (continue a relationship) while being reserved and guarded. Sex is involved so there is this need to protect one’s integrity just in case the relationship ends. And if it does end, let it not be said that she gave her most prized womanly qualities (washing, cooking, cleaning, etc.)
What’s the point?
I strongly disagree with Kitty’s view, but let me address the Christian women who agree. Why do you agree? How can you agree? What are you being taught about dating and courting? Based on Christian standards, you really shouldn’t be giving your all to someone you’re dating (the process of getting to know and deciding who you want to pursue a relationship with). However, in the courting stages, you have decided that this individual is ‘the one’ and marriage is the aim. Why would you not want to go above and beyond for this individual?
Treat your boyfriend like your husband…
- You really shouldn’t be cleaning his house and doing his laundry every weekend. But what if he is sick or unable to function? Wouldn’t you assist? I would.
- It’s a nice treat or date idea to have him over for dinner with the family to enjoy a meal prepared by you. At that gathering wouldn’t you serve him (prepare his plate and ensure that he is comfortable)? I sure would.
- If the script is flipped and I’m at his house enjoying a meal prepared by him, I have no issues doing the dishes or assisting with the clean-up process. To me, that’s love and teamwork.
- A Godly wife builds up her man and facilitates favour in his life. If he’s not being built up in the stages leading up to marriage and if there’s no evidence of increased favour in his life; I’m probably not the one for him.
The Conclusion
It is extremely sad that many women think they are “doing too much” for a man who is not yet their husband. And believe that displaying basic, Godly, principles of a woman is forbidden. A wedding ring is not a proverbs 31 activator. You don’t put on a ring, say some vows and watch the fairy dust build your marriage.
Many single, Christian women have no idea how to transition from single to married. As I mentioned in a recent Facebook post, the zone between single and married is a huge, blurry, grey area for many. And the church doesn’t encourage spending much time to explore that grey area. Couples are established and the church marries them off. But no one truly invests real time in honestly guiding the process.
I say, allow God to guide your process, treat him like the king he is even before the wedding. Build the foundation with concrete and not fluff. Work through the bad days. Set the attitudes for the marriage.
Marriage isn’t black or white. It takes time to work through and understand the grey.
God bless you <3
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Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
Hey, interesting thoughts. However, I think what most women are talking about is not refusing to help your boyfriend with his housework every once in a while should he need help or preparing him a meal every once in a while; I think what Christian women are referring to when they mention not treating your boyfriend like your husband is being EXPECTED to cook, clean etc for him, as a regular duty when y’all not even married yet or living under the same roof. Doing my boyfriend’s laundry is NOT going to be my concern until we’re married and move in together; doesn’t mean I can’t offer tips, counsel him if there are obvious results from a bad laundry run and stuff like that.
You have some men who believe that once you’re going out and serious, these things should start happening, even in cases where they don’t live together. You also have some women who start assuming these duties (REGULARLY) before marriage…and well, I guess they can do them, but I feel like there’s nothing wrong with these things remaining duties that naturally fall into place upon becoming a unit and actually living together in Holy Matrimony and shouldn’t really be expected before.