The topic of Christian dating and relationships will never be one-dimensional because the bible doesn’t give much information on the topic. The Bible tells you what you need to know about marriage and standard relationships. But, does not show you practical steps to manoeuvre the path to the altar. It is up to you to apply the word and the knowledge you receive from the Holy Spirit.

As a blogger who writes about Christian Dating, I get many questions from readers young and old. Many are unsure of what the process should look like while others are having internal conflicts with their church’s doctrine. I love to express to them that while each individual’s journey to the altar may look different; each journey should still be rooted in Christ. The Holy Spirit cannot be limited. In the sense that, if He can help to heal the sick; He can guide you to the eternal truth concerning your relationships.

My Observation

I notice that many dating couples are functioning as one but are not yet one – Mark 10:8. While your relationship – in its dating phase – is a precursor to your marriage, there is no way that your relationship should be functioning as a marriage. This observation led me to this thought: Can Christian dating couples be delaying their marriage? I strongly believe that God will not join two persons together until all things concerning them are perfect enough for marriage. Especially when pleasing God is important to both persons seeking to become a union.

6 Ways you could be Delaying Marriage

1. By functioning as ONE in Ministry before officially becoming ONE in Marriage

I can only say this as simply as I can. God will not send a dating couple to develop and start running a ministry together in their dating phase. Click here for my definition of dating. You will serve together in your churches and different groups, but you will never form a ministry together until you are married. God doesn’t recognize you as a legal couple. Your marriage isn’t even recognized until it is consummated. I witness so many unmarried couples “in ministry together” and I struggle to see the God in it. Correct me if I am wrong.

2. By being too affectionate

Lust is no respecter of persons. Many Christian dating couples are careful to not go “too far” but forget the power of the small steps (actions) along the way. Couples think that because they are not committing fornication they are in the clear. Holding hands, long hugs, intense stares, or any lascivious behaviour are all the perfect ingredients to brew lust that can lead to sexual sin. The longer you take to control lust, the longer it will take you to get to the altar.

3. By not dealing with your skeletons

There are many saved and sanctified men and women in the church. Anything that comes in contact with Christ is a new creature – 2 Corinthians 5:17. Old things are passed away and all things have become new but old things have a way of lingering around. Even when passed away, the enemy will try to stick you to your past. It is important to be open and real about your past. If the person you are hoping to marry is not okay with your past, then I’m sorry to tell you that that person is not the one. He who finds a wife finds a good thing – Proverbs 18:22. There should be no need to hide your past.

4. By dishonouring your leaders

Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. So anyone who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished – Romans 13. What do your leaders have to say about this relationship? Have you presented your intentions to them? Whether you like to believe it or not, they have a say. Pursuing a relationship and marriage outside of the knowledge of those set to rule over you is dishonouring leadership. God is not pleased.

5. By being functional but not fruitful

It is easy for two people to come together and be functional. Great personalities and full understanding of self and each other can be given credit for functionality. A soul tie or a lustful connection can also be given credit for functionality. It is the fruit that is most important to God. Is the soil of your relationship fertilized and ready to grow fruit bearing trees? You should be seeing signs that your union will help to build the kingdom of God. God will cut away immature commitments to make room for opportunities that will bring forth fruit. John 15:1-8

6. By leaning on your own understanding

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight – Proverbs 3:5-6. A Godly marriage is not built on your own thoughts, emotions or understand. This foundation requires God at each pillar. If you find that you are travelling on a path with God nowhere in sight, you are heading in the wrong direction. That explains why marriage seems like it is taking forever. For a marriage to survive, Jesus needs to be involved in the relationship. The Word of God says that a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two – Ecclesiastes 4:12.