The desire to marry doesn’t miraculously result in marriage. Contrary to popular belief, the man won’t magically find you and you live happily ever after. There is a process you must go through to ensure that you are ready to be a wife. I have developed a Pre-Dating Checklist for women to ensure that they are spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally ready to embark on the journey to the altar. Read on to see where you are on the list.

Disclaimer: This post is strictly written based on the opinions of the writer.

The Pre-Dating Checklist

• Pre-Dating Checklist

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  • I understand the purpose of a relationship

    There are many misconceptions about the purpose of marriage. Today, I see persons viewing marriage relationships as financial security or a standard system to receive gifts. Many make mental notes of the relationships they see on Instagram and instantly create concepts of what their own relationships will be like. Persons don’t recognize that a marriage is selfless, sacrificial, pure and holy. And, the dating relationship should be just that. Are you ready for selflessness and sacrifice or do you only want to receive? Before going into a dating relationship it is important to understand the ultimate Godly purpose.

  • I understand how to maintain friendships

    The best foundation for any relationship is friendship. There is nothing more secure than a platonic union that transitions into marriage. And that is where all dating relationships should begin – as friends. Many persons get into dating relationships and forget that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. You don’t make out with your brother and sister; neither should you desire to have sex with them. Learn how to maintain friendships. This is where communication, comfort, respect, and non-sexual intimacy is built. Pray for your friends and discuss Godly principles with your friends. You will know how to navigate the paths of your dating relationship without the pressure of being too perfect for your future spouse.

  • I understand the purpose of sex

    This is included specifically for the non-virgin single reader who once had sex casually. When single and of the world persons utilize sex for different reasons. Some will have sex to take their mind off something or end a night of fun with sex with a random stranger. These are not the purposes of sex. When saved, it may be hard to transition the mindset surrounding sex to Godly, purposeful thoughts. It is hard but not impossible because the Holy Spirit is your teacher. Understand that sex is not for self-fulfilling pleasure but a bonding exercise to consummate a marriage. Sex is created by God. It is the ultimate level of vulnerability only a spouse can handle. As a woman, you should treat it as a holy treasure. Even if you are not a virgin, God honours your commitment to Him and your respect for his gift for marriages.

  • I am over my ex and free of soul ties

    This one is touchy as many women believe that they are over their ex and free of soul ties. News flash: If you still think about him, wonder what he is doing, get flustered at the sight or thought of him with another woman, then you are not over him. Soul ties are tricky and oftentimes not easily identifiable. One sure way to pinpoint a soul tie is the unexplainable urge to stay connected to someone even when you have decided to let go. Elevation requires Separation – if you want to start dating you better start fasting and praying. The dead-weight of the past cannot survive in the future. Something will have to give.

  • I have identified my purpose

    If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. Knowing what you stand for eliminates the chances of being taken for a fool (by the way you are only allowed to be taken for a fool once by one man in life and it must be an absolute mistake. Learn and never make the mistake again). Knowing what God has created you to do gives you a clear head and shows you how this marriage will complement that purpose. Don’t compromise God’s plan for your life for “love”. The man God is sending your way will fit like the missing piece in the hardest jigsaw puzzle. Wait for it while pursuing what God has called you to do.

  • I am happy with myself

    If you can’t be happy with yourself you can’t be happy with anyone else. The saying is almost a cliché one but rings true. It is impossible to allow someone else into your space when you are already at war with yourself. Even if you pretend, after a while the truth will resurface. Learn to love you before you desire to love someone else.

  • I know how to survive alone

    In Jamaica, we ask “weh dat ah go?” in true Jamaican patois when something just doesn’t belong. Here, we ask: WEH CLINGINESS AH GO? WEH ATTACHMENT AH GO? Not knowing how to survive alone is one thing you will have to work on before entering into a relationship. Solitude is one of the greatest things to have. When in a relationship, it is unrealistic to be in the presence of your partner 24/7. In the moments when you are alone, you must be content by yourself.

  • I respect leadership

    Women, you are a guide but you will not control. If you cannot respect basic leadership, (your pastor, manager, or supervisor at work) how will you respect your husband to be in your dating relationship? As a woman, you are called to submit to your husband. Ensure that the one you welcome is one who will be able to lead. That way, there won’t be much conflict in the relationship.

  • I have accomplished my basic needs for personal fulfilment

    Personal fulfilment is an achievement of life goals which are important to an individual, in contrast to the goals of society, family and other collective obligations. Personal fulfilment is an ongoing journey for a human individual. Ensure that you are not wanting a man to complete you. A relationship/marriage is one where two individuals with whole lives come together to complement each other. No one person is there to complete the other. Your spouse is not a cheque or a health insurance policy. His sole purpose is not to fulfil your financial wants and needs.