After reading the fairy-tales of Cinderella, The Beauty and the Beast, Snow White and The Princess and the Pea while growing up, many formed an opinion of love based on these stories. When the books weren’t enough, movies caused me to form the perfect picture in my mind about love. Isn’t a picture worth a thousand words? It’s true! I grew up looking for a picture perfect prince.
Somewhere between Cinderella getting the prince after a hard childhood and Snow White being awakened by a kiss; I misunderstood love. Wouldn’t the perfect man find me? After remaining pure for twenty-four years and waiting for the perfect man. I was saved and I knew that I shouldn’t have sex before marriage. Being ordained as an Evangelist at just 18 years old, I knew I was doing the right thing but my experience was far beyond that. Like others, I fought the urges to fornicate because I wanted my King to love me more when he discovered that I saved myself for him for so long. Did you do that too?
The Reality of Love
Your perception of a thing can destroy you when your reality is not adding up to your expectations. However, that is no indication that you should lower your expectations.
Love is beautiful and it exceeds expectations if you have realistic ones.
Like many young women today, I maintained my purity until it was time to wed. I was a beautiful and excited bride! Sadly, I had an unrealistic expectation about marriage. I thought I was going to be the perfect wife and I was marrying the perfect man. So many of us are disappointed because we got married thinking that marriage was going to solve the hundreds of bad experiences we had and compensate us for 20, 30 or even 50 years of trouble.
Marriage is not a compensation plan!
Marriage is hard work and when people cannot cope with the constant work, they become too tired then eventually walk away.
Love stays!
I met the perfect looking chocolate man. I am drawn to fragrances and he smelled perfect. His charm caught me at first sight. I was dying for him to say hello and guess what? He did! I felt my heart melting and I fell in love. You will know it’s love when it happens. Love will leave you without questions. I know it was him because my heart felt different.
For the first time in my life I felt like I really caught someone’s eyes. He looked at me and smiled as I watched him through the corner of my eyes. What a captivating image. I was flattered, the butterflies in my stomach would not rest. I hardly had an appetite for months and years, I could not go through a day without messages from him. When I went to church and he was absent, I felt lost! Stop acting like you don’t know how that feels too.
I was young and in love. I had to look right because I finally found someone who felt like the co-star of my fairy tale.
Then the Fairy-tale Happened
Five years later, on December 22, 2012 I married the man of my dreams. The crowd cheered, we kissed and of course we couldn’t wait to get home. Everything was sweet on honeymoon! I experienced cloud 9 for the first time.
Then the clock slowed down and our pockets were broken after the big wedding. We had real life to face. I was miserable and he was stressed. To our surprise, love could not put food on the table. Couldn’t someone have said to us, “save your money because you will need it?”
As time went by and everyone moved on with their next favourite couple getting married, we were alone and hungry. What we thought was about to be a fairy tale felt like a nightmare. We argued, we prayed after, we argued again and of course we cried. It took us years to recover from expenses and we still have some way to go.
LOVE IS WORTH IT ALL.
My Wake up Call
I woke up to the harsh reality that I didn’t marry the prince in the fairy-tale. He couldn’t love me the way I imagined. Only God can fill the emptiness in the soul and only you can love yourself the way you want to be loved. So I stopped nagging my husband and started praying to love him better.
I know there were days he blamed me and I blamed him too. We struggled through the years and there was always something to be sad about but we always worked it out. I loved him through the hard years but I hated the struggle. I was tired but we worked hard on our marriage. What I can tell you is that love will endure all things.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
4: Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5: Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6: Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7: Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Marriage is not a fairy tale
We endured the hard times. We entered marriage with unrealistic expectations but we learned life lessons. Marriage is not a fairy tale. Men, your wife will not always look beautiful to you. You will begin to notice the stretch marks or extra pounds that you overlooked before the wedding. Ladies, you will realize after marriage that the man who brought you to the finest restaurants before simply cannot afford it. He was only trying to win your heart.
If love brought you together, love can keep you forever.
Love is real and yes it will break your heart. Love is an adventure. It will drive you crazy sometimes and the next moment it will melt you to the core.
If you are looking for the perfect partner, STOP! Look for the one who loves you from the soul. We are creatures of mistakes and are all works in progress. We have all been hurt.
Imagine two people with two different backgrounds trying to join lives who have suffered heartbreak or abuse trying to trust! Think of trying to endure loud snores when you are tired! Or even nursing a sick spouse when you get home in need of affection.
What is Love?
Love is forgiving the person who hurt you instead of fulfilling their role of protecting you. It is the simple things in life like giggling over a silly joke or sharing random thoughts over dinner.
THAT IS LOVE!
Love is manifested when you have every reason to leave but you stayed. It is manifested when you cannot afford a vacation but you go to the beach together with home cooked meals.
It is an adventure! Are you really in love yet? Love a lot harder and your marriage will be an adventure that lasts longer than a fairy tale!
Written by Shackara Evans
Edited by The Anointed Writer
Shackara Evans is a 29-year-old Minister of the New Life Church of God. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Banking and Finance from the University of the West Indies, Mona. She is also the Founder of Shackara Evans Ministries and is a wife and a mother of one daughter.
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Amoy is intent on fulfilling God’s will and purpose for her life. She is a celebrity publicist, a proud Jamaican, a writer, an international speaker, a media practitioner and a published author. She loves all things luxury and is on a mission to become one of the wealthiest women from her island and in the world. 40 under 40, is that you?
This is just awesome, I’m certain it will help a lot of individuals, those who are single and thinking of getting married as well as the already married couples. Love is no fairytale… It is hard work. Continue writing… The anointed one.
This is touching, heartbreaking yet so true and real…. this really brings us back to reality especially married couples
Quite profound!